1 12 15 14 5 in my thoughts

so i have been pondering the subject of love lately (due in no small part to a review of the four loves by a certain mister clives staples lewis this evening, particularly the last two-Eros and Agape). i feel like a fish jumping into an ocean here as i try to gather my thoughts into coherence. first and foremost let me say that i find the english language to be sorely lacking as it relates to love. in my years growing up i have had to compile the sum of my observation and experience with love into the one word. To do that is somewhat ludicrous i believe, because how can one say that "i love my parents" in the same regard as they say, "for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son..." ;or, "i love my wife" in the same manner as, "i love my friend Nathan"? They are not the same by any means but yet we have no way to distinguish them from one another aside from context.
That being said, i was contemplating especially agape on the ride home. The very nature of this love offends me at first, i have come to conclude. i had never really taken a step back to consider it until i listened to Lewis' wisdom about it. he concludes that none of us, as people, want to be agaped in and of our own nature. it is an insult to our pride. The very essence of agape is that we are loved not because we are chosen as something special or because of some merit of our own, but because we are who we are. in that i would find no offense save for the fact that i want to be chosen as a beloved. we all do when you stop to think of it. we want to be special to someone, mean the world to them, but agape has no provision for this. if we could merit God's love what would be the purpose of salvation. now then, in thinking about this, i find it absolutely necessary that we be loved in this manner; it sets God's love for us apart from anything that we are able to completely emulate. now, in another work that i was reading, a severe mercy, lewis was corresponding with a friend regarding the death of his beloved. he said that all earthly loves must die unto themselves to be resurrected thru Christ if they are ever to come to completion. i have been pondering this for months now, not that i disagree but to the contrary i most emphatically agree, in an effort to better understand the nature of this death. that we must give up our most valuable earthly loves to God and learn to love thru God. heavy
on a similar vein, i heard a lyric friday that stuck with me, "What's it going to take for me to live like a dead man lives". So my question is, what if we all lived our lives dead to our flesh and walking after Christ? what would it take to get there?

perhaps this is just part one because i have so much more i want to say, but i am weary for now. grace and peace.