seasons of pain

In life we all go through seasons of pain. Sometimes there are no supports, there are no friends to assuage the pain. sometimes you are removed from everyone and everything. These times are a test of faith to those of us that ascribe to God and his love for us. In times of pain, God is the only support to hold onto, and sadly enough, most of the time that is the only time we are willing to talk to him. it must grieve the Fathers heart to only be spoken to when a favor is needed or when there is no other person to turn to. I am intimately acquainted with the feeling. I am in pain- it's at times like these when we find out what we are made of. How much faith do we really have? Are our beliefs real or are we just following the motions we have been conditioned to blindly be a part of all of our lives? There is so much going on I don't know how to process it. I find that i am alone in this world. All of the absolutes have been stripped away and I am left with the question of my faith. To press on toward the unseen or to make my own miserable way through this life. I choose my faith, and that is the only step I can take now. I have chosen a direction and now I will follow my fathers voice. away from everything I thought I knew, away from all that has fallen away. I am not well, but life goes on, and one day it will be well. I press on toward that day and in the meantime I lay my life on that faith and on my loving father.

A couple of weeks ago I found this devotional that my father had given me when I moved away. Everyday that I have read it, it was as if my Father were speaking to me, addressing the issues that I have been facing with the foresight only my Father offers. It is a comfort to know that Father cares. So hold me now Father when I am weak. Wrap me in your love when I feel none. I choose You, because you gave me the grace to know you.